February 18 2014, 08:48 PM
I feel very guilty about not doing things I ‘should’ be doing. I struggle with this daily. Sometimes I have zero motivation. No will power to create, cook or clean. I find it depends on my levels of happiness. When I am sad, I have no energy and I avoid doing things. When I am happy I feel my creative freedom flows wonderfully. I don’t know, I shouldn’t have to force myself too enjoy something. Why am I lacking passion so much in these last few years? I use to have so much.
February 18 2014, 08:43 PM
I think its time to start being okay with being human. The internet is world wide masquerade. We show the world only the best parts of our selves. We pretend to be perfect. We pretend to live an amazing, exciting life 24/7. We put on our masks and we act out our lives in a kind of internet based fairy tale. Don’t get me wrong, its not quite being fake, its just… Not being completely real.
I made this tumblr as an inner expression of me. Yet at times I cant bring myself to actually admit to being me.
I want to walk down a new path of self acceptance.
I might start writing a daily confession. An attempt as learning to accept myself and stop feeling guilty about every breath I take.
February 18 2014, 02:57 PM
We all have grown up in an age of the internet, photoshop, pornography, televison, media, film, advertising and perfection.
From such a young age, this is what we learn from. This is what we see.
When I was younger I remember feeling looking down at my vagina, and noticing that my labia were no longer perfect and small, I was starting to turn into a woman. And for some reason I felt that was something to be disgusted about.
I remember vividly the day my mother told me not to play with my labia in case I happened to stretch it. I felt sick, knowing that it was already too late.
I must have only been 9 or 10.
Of course there was nothing wrong with my vagina at all, it was just changing along with the rest of my body. I was nearing puberty.
But I hated myself. I felt gross. I was only a child.
And to this day I still to some degree feel this way. But no more. Its time for self-love and confidence.
We grow up seeing pornography and thinking that is NORMAL. We grow up looking an surgically altered vagina’s and wondering what the fuck is wrong with us. We grow up seeing photo-shopped woman and then looking in the mirror and hating what we see.
When I was a young teen I wanted to take scissors to my labia and cut them off. I wanted to have nothing but a slit, just like the woman in pornography. See I had never seen a normal vagina aside from my own. In my mind, I was a fucking monster.
I remember the fear and anxiety that came from having exploring sex as a teen. I remember feeling sick, like I needed to throw up all the disgusting parts of myself.
I remember thinking that no man would ever love me. That I would never be confident or enjoy sex.
I remember the days when I simply could not open my legs with my boyfriend. I would only have sex under the blankets in the dark. And he was not aloud to touch me down there, in case he was completely put off by me.
I was never told my vagina was gross, disgusting or ugly. In fact I was told many times it was actually very nice. But none of that got through. I was so blinded by my own self-hate.
I remember the day I saw a documentary called The Perfect Vagina which I completely recommend to all of you, whether you can relate to me or not. It changed the way I saw myself because I finally realized that perhaps I was just normal…
Not only was I normal, but I was also not alone. Millions and millions of woman, especially younger woman who grew up in an age of pornography, advertisement , and photo-shop feel exactly the same way.
Many woman undergo surgery to remove there labia. Because they felt or feel exactly as I did.
Many woman are ashamed. Many woman hate. Many woman can not bare to look down there.
But ladies… Your labia are all completely normal.
And completely beautiful.
It is time we end this era of self hate towards our own bodies. It is time we look in the mirror and love what we see.
Those woman you compare yourselves too… They are not real. They have been made up, altered, photo-shopped, edited, and perfected.
It is a standard that no living being can live up too, because it is simply NOT REAL. You are seeing an image. You are seeing a computer edited picture.
See, she has as many flaws as we do. Only, hers were cut off. Covered. Made up. Edited. Photo-shopped and hidden.
The pictures we see daily do NOT exist in real life.
Her labia are almost non-existent because she went under the knife. Because she wanted to please some man so fucking much that she would alter her body in an attempt to live up to an unrealistic expectation.
Today we end this illusion.
Today we say to ourselves, "I am beautiful, I AM perfect, I am real, I do not need to change for anyone and I fucking love my vagina"
Today we make reality, a reality.